Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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