Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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