Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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