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So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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