remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
