You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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