Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
