Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
