i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
