WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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