There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am midnight drunk by noon
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize