Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
