Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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