What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
