i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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