did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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