just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
