I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
