He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
