I puked a lego.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
