I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
