My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
