If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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