I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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