My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she was so not down for the gang bang
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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