Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
