upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
