She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
