your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
its liver damage thursday
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
