Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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