I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
