PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You ruined the universe
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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