Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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