So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
