Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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