my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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