I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So much rum. So many feels.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
