Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The uberlube is also flammable
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize