oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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