all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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