whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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