That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
