Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
