Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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