Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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