I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
