In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
