im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
