Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
