Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
this hospital has no fireball
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
