i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
