Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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