I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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