Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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