Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
