Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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