then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
