Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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