she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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