two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
