Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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