There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
