Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
