i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
