when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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