All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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