tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
