it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
