How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize