i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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