i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
