2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
