i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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