oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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