you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize