i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
