I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
