I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
