'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
